When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
