It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
