Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So much Jack, so little girl.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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