She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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