Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
