I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
