Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
