You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
