I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
