her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
