i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
