so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
