Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you inspire me to be a worse person
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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