if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
