Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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