My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
