My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
