I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
