you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
