shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
