thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
