I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
