Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
