Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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