I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
