theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize