but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
