My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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