Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
