I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't special order awesome
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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