Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
