Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
