I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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