my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize