would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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