Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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