i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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