Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize