Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Vodka?
Forever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
