Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize