I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I could fuck to npr.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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