i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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