Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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