i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
