Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
