wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
