she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
