Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
