I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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