I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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