These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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