I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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