I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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