this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish you could order shots online.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
