i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
