I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i came on her dog
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
