I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wanna go halves on a baby?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I enjoy the company of your penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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