i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize