Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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