I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
