Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
