You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
