Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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