This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
