my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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