New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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