Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
